what did i do this time?

what goes around comes around,so the saying goes...
everybody knows that there are good and bad days in life...
there will never exist a life full of happiness and content and no suffering.
well,today i learnt this fact,THE HARD WAY.
it made me wonder if Lemony Snicket had this sort of experience before...
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so i got jpa scholarship...had to fill up and sign the agreement and all and what's this? 'remitkan/matikan setem hasil'?
confused, i asked a couple of my friends...
A says: i'm not so sure bout jpa,but for ptptn we matikan the stamp ourselves..draw two diagonal lines across the stamp and write the date...i suppose it's the same for jpa,but it's better if you confirm it with someone else...
ok,so i went and ask B,who also got the same scholarship,said:we draw two lines on the stamp and write the date.then,the stamp die liao.
alright...so since i have the confident (it appeared to me as confident) reply from B, i was pretty certain that we can remitkan the stamp ourselves...
even though i still had doubts about it, somehow i ended up mematikan-ing the stamps with black ballpen this morning...
was gonna bring it to HEPP and do it in front of the guy,but i don't know why i did it all by myself this morning.
but anyway,the point is,after going up to HEPP and asked about it,i found out that WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MEREMITKAN SETEM HASIL BY OURSELVES.NO.NOT FOR JPA YOU CAN'T.
so rm30. gone.
have to ask dad to get another three freakin' setem hasil.
the guilt i felt right after the phonecall back home was a bit too much to handle.
FUCK MY LIFE,FIRST TIME.
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i started bleeding today, period.
been anticipating it for about a week,but to no avail.
the butterflies in the stomach, bowel issues, mood swings, had it all for a week, but no blood.
so, fed up, i've decided to not wear pantiliner today.
although i felt funny in the tummy area,i just took it as the nervous-ness i'm feeling,'cause the expo event is today,am suppose to set up stall with my groupmates and sell caps.
GUESS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED.
it came.
so i rushed to the washroom,took out a pantiliner(i've forgotten to put and extra piece of pad into my bag) and settled the problem.
problem solved.
well,for now...
normally,heavy flows don't happen on my first day.
NORMALLY. and today is an ABNORMAL day.
i didn't even feel it this time,but once reaching aman damai and gone to the shower, 'tu dia...one patch of brown...it's not even a small patch...
FUCK MY LIFE,SECOND TIME.
btw,please do excuse me for discussing such matter in such a general place,i personally think that menstrual cycle is a common thing and we shouldn't be ashamed to talked about it, it's what God gave us after all,who are we to deny His gifts...
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back to expo jualan.
business was bad...apparently usm people doesn't appreciate the thoughtfulness of things that are made by their own hands...or they're just lazy...
majority of them gave the same excuse: 'saya tak pandai lukis'
i'm glad we did a project before this to raise fund for this stupid expo...we've made some profit from this event thanks to it...
don't get me wrong, it's not that i hate people for liking my work, but it jeopardised our main goal(which is to promote DIY) of selling these caps...
working for money is good,but i was not planning to do most of the work FOR them.
RM10 wasn't even a huge amount of money.
fuck my life,third time.
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oh yeah,
i wore the wrong pair of socks back to usm today,it caused the formation of a blister on my left foot..
fml.forth.
.
anyways,after this event,we cleaned up and took the bus back to aman damai.
as i've said earlier, i had an unfortunate patch of blood on my butt.
so,naturally, i washed them,along with all my clothes,while i was showering...
it was sunny when i entered the cubicle.
CLOUDY when i came out,with all the wet garments.
so,now,after one hour,it's still raining in usm so i CAN'T FUCKING HANG MY CLOTHES OUTSIDE AND IT'S STILL IN A JUMBLED-UP STATE IN MY BUCKET.
FUCK.MY.LIFE.LAH.
.
feels like the whole world is against me today...
i honestly don't know what have i done wrong to deserve these.
i wish i can just go home and hide myself.
it this too much to ask for,when a person is on the verge of breaking down?