break.

it's a disease.
everytime holiday starts i feel this sudden emptiness in my heart.
yes, heart.
not my mind, because there are always things that i'm thinking of,
not my soul, because it has never been fully filled, emptiness is a norm in there.
but the heart?
it's as if there's a faucet beneath the mechanism that opens and drains out whatever content it collects, periodically.
kind of reminds me of the separatory funnel, that device i called my heart.
only, it did not extract anything from the contents.
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i guess it's the things and the stages of life i realized that i've not reached yet.
things that only comes to mind when i tear myself away from school,
and find myself looking from the different aspects of life,
at the different people in my life.
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once again i find myself standing in the same spot where i was months, years ago.
have i grown, matured? no.
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i question myself, what am i going to do to improve?
then i answered, i don't know.
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i'm getting tired of asking the same questions, over and over again.
yet, i'm desperate to find the answers to them.
i want peace.
i want the kind of silence in my mind that isn't deafening, but instead, warm and inviting.
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damn, these tears are hard to be held back.
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songs i grew up with III

mixed CDs

can't find any song that i'm familiar with from the radio the other day while i'm on my way home,
so i turned it off and sang "she will be loved"(maroon5),
"the man who can't be moved"(the script),
and "close to you"(carpenters) to myself.
and i know all the lyrics!!!
duuuuuuuddddddeeeeeee..... XD
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why can't i remember my chemistry theories THAT well... :s
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.
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on my drive to usm yesterday, i suddenly felt that the songs played on the radio sounded like crap...
then i remembered,'hey, i have a pile of mixed CDs stacked in my CD pocket'.

those were my little momentoes of the time when i first got my hands on a CD burner...
i'd come up with a compilation of roughly 20 songs every couple of weeks,
and force my family to listen to the songs whenever we go out...
...ahh, those were the blissful days..
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so i randomly picked one out and pushed it into the CD player and sang along with whatever that came on while driving back home....
it was nice...
very nostalgic..
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at some point i thought,'man...if i was a guy and there's girl version of me, my girl version would've fallen in love with my guy version lo...'
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*vain egomaniac mode* i have such good taste in music...
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then i thought,
'well, i DO like a lot of the songs,
but there are some that i just felt like it doesn't connect with me'...
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so today i took some time,
sat down in front of the PC,
played each CD, all 10 of them,
and compiled a new playlist:
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disc1

 disc2

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i think i'm gonna play them in my car forever.
forget flyfm.
klfm better...
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*vain egomaniac mode..off*

Songs I Grew Up With II

i love how everytime it got me singing along when it comes on!

i remember singing this song in the school choir when i was a kid

cute boys + good song = i love.

gotta love a man who's good at what he does *u*

songs i grew up with I

.

aww :3

let's be sentimental today...

hello.

i went to the library today, during my free period.

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i thought about rules.

ever wondered why are we so obedient civilised?

why are we so much more different than animals...

besides the 1% of our brain being wired differently than them.

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yes, 

we're taught to follow a certain list of dos and don'ts when we encounter some situations in our daily lives.

but not all rules, we obey and follow.

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so how did we decide which are relevant and which are otherwise?

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.

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beyond these walls,

students, staff, cleaners, and visitors hustle and bustle away...

chasing after time, after work, after tests, after assignments.

.

it's strange,

how all these tension and noise could be separated from tranquility by a mere piece of glass ( and metals and cement)

it made me feel like i'm in a different world altogether, suddenly introduced to such a quiet place,

without people pacing across the hallway every second, afraid that they'll be late to whatever that they're heading for.

without people shouting, giggling, rambling loudly.

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nothing.

i could hear myself think, and it's like nothing i've felt before.

i'm always alone (physically) at home, yet, i've never experienced myself being this conscious about my surrounding, and is actually aware enough to observe everything around me.

maybe i wasn't the only one feeling this way,

in fact, maybe, all of us have experienced and liked such peacefulness that we've unconsciously made a promise to each other to respect the silence of this sanctuary we nonchalantly called the Library.

the same goes to mosques, temples, kuils, churches and other religious buildings...
it's the serenity that it gives us...
and we return its good deed by respecting the building, even if it's nothing more than a structure made up of ceramic, and dyes.
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every few minutes i'd look up,
feeling grateful that everything i've seen in the past few moment,
stayed the same, positions unchanged.
everything stood still.
stationary.
occasionally i'd look out the window,
and imagine the warmth from the sun's rays on my skin, while my body rests under the cool air from the air conditioning.
and it made me feel calm and good about myself.

i have a feeling that i'll be stopping by the library a lot more often.

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오늘 Pearl Harbor 봤어요. 이 음악은 좋아해요.

i remembered how i fell in love with its simplicity when i listen to it

i've always loved these songs, but i never knew the titles...until today :)

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discovered some (not-so) new song today:

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last night i thought about slitting my wrist,
fantasizing on how my blood slowly flow out from the cut,
dripping down to the floor from the tip of my fingers.
my life slowly drift away with every drop that hit the ground.
i thought about sleeping under a bunch of pillows and blanket,
slowly suffocating myself to death.
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today i thought about the possibilities of me getting cancer.
my organs slowly getting infected with the killer mutant cells.
at least i could die with some dignity intact.
.

i think Dev's voice is....kinda sexy.

when you see past the barriers,and just focus on the message the music bears.