results aftermath.

NOW I'M ANGRY.

walao. almost a month without any update.

*dusting off cobwebs*
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i realized today that besides not updating my blog, i haven't been writing in my diary since April.....or...March....i don't know.
then i thought about what happened in that period in my life, March-June.
school stress....assignment stress....blood-count stress....test stress.....relationship....
more test stress...exam stress....movies....exam stress.....angry-because-of-my-careless-mistakes stress...
sudden emptiness after all that stress....kL...genting...kL again...shopping..spend money...carsickness...weight-gaining...miraculous weight-loss...
rotting....rotting...
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can you believe it, i've spent a quarter of my sem-break already...only one and a half month left before getting upgraded to the 'final year student' title now...
and with everyone away on holidays/internships/part-time works,
i feel a bit.....lonely...
on the bright side though, i've got plenty of time to rest and lounge around the house...
not a bad consolation...i'm not complaining.. :3
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i've read Agnes Grey...
it was boring...like...snail...
don't read it.
go for Jane Eyre instead, it's heaps better and more dramatic than Agnes Grey.
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learnt to play this song:

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getting good at it, but didn't have the motivation to completely master it...
i guess i just..lost interest in the song...
maybe i'll try it again later...
memorize it, like what i've done with this song:

 .
i love that song.......
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i also thought about the contents of my diary....
it made me think that maybe, i was using my diary as an outlet to my dissatisfaction on the things in my life...
i seem to only have memories of myself writing, when i'm upset...
and when life gets more hectic and less upsetting,
i seemed to....lost the will to write.
yet, i can't recall the days i've lived through for the past three to four months...
it feels as if only yesterday i started my second year in campus...
now i'm only two semesters away from graduating.
.
i should seriously think about where i want to go to do my graduate studies...
what i know for sure, is that i want to do something that has relation to women products...
cosmetics...accessories..jewellery...clothing...
something that still sells in the market even then the economy is down...
and being a woman myself, i know that economy doesn't affect my desire to shop what-so-ever.
so going that direction seems logical to me.
who doesn't want to make a lot of money to secure a good life for her/himself, right?
i can't help but be a little bit materialistic and realistic when it comes to my future and career.
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cosmetics chemistry...electroplating...jewellery industry...polymer...
that's where i'm heading.
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problem is...where, exactly?
my pointers aren't bad, but not excellent.
overseas? too expensive, a bit risky if i want to compete for a scholarship.
local universities? which university provides the best education in these areas?
which is better anyway, USM, or UM?

seriously?!

everyone goes through this process of trying to figure out what they want to do in their future.
especially school leavers,
because you (apparently) need to get your shit together
and decide what you want to do with your life.
(even when your life has barely started and you don't know anything about life yet)
.
so we made a decision.
.
first tries are usually failed attempts,
and your parents may tell you something like,
'are u sure you want to be that? it's not an easy route...the job doesn't even pay well for fresh graduates..
think about it again, we'll discuss about it next time.'
.
OH BUDDHA.
.
after a few tries you figured out that what you want,
and what makes you happy,
really doesn't matter in your life.
what matters most is how happy you'd make your parents.
.
so. fine. i can handle that.
.
university.
a small training ground for us to learn what it's like to be a grown-up.
you pay for your own food,
you manage your own schedule,
you made a loan with the government to pay for your own education...
.
i realized that we students are quite a daring bunch of people,
because without much experience in money-making we,
by ourselves,
loaned thousands of tax-payers' hard-earned money,
to pay for the lectures that we,
sometimes skip,
and use the extra money we've loaned,
for our own personal use.
be it shopping or random vacations.
.
so daring.
.
but anyway,
back to the deciding-our-own-future topic.
.
the thing about deciding what we want to do
is that once you know exactly what your passion is,
you'd intend to focus on achieving that goal,
and that goal alone.
because dude, my future is damn important to keep me alive.
.
thus,
i do not understand why is there co-curricular activities,
and MyCSD points.
and i don't understand why must we prove ourselves to be 'well-rounded' in such a way.
.
if they want a resume,
i can damn well write a very impressive list of the things i can do because i want to do it,
not because i have to pass a certain limit set by the people that i'm sure can't even do half of the things that i can,
in order to prove that i'm a jack of all trades.
.
i feel that we are not learning 100% of what we should be learning in the field that we WANT to learn from.
instead,
we're wasting our time chasing after the illusion of being a 'well-rounded' graduate.
.
ask me what i know about chemistry in the real world,
and i can tell you confidently that i don't fucking know anything about the real world,
because all i know are chemistry in 'idealized' conditions.
ideal gas.
closed systems.
machines with 100% efficiency.
reactions that reacts 100% complete.
.
so how the hell am i going to expect to get hired
when all i have is a fragile little bubble of the ideal chemistry world??
.
'it's ok, what you learn in school isn't what you'll be needed to apply in your career when you get a job'
so.....why do we need to go to school???
to join activities and foolishly 'learn' to be well-rounded???
so we borrowed money we can't pay back to do things we won't be needing in our career lives???
seriously????
.
dammit.
.
don't get me wrong.
i love chemistry.
like, fucking love it more than i love my dogs.
i want to know everything about it.
the reactions, the logic behind those reactions, the magic of how those reactions take place.
i want to lock myself in a laboratory and mix and match chemicals all day long
just to get a better grasp of how chemical works in real life.
no slide shows.
no distractions.
no 'we will learn about this further in the next chapter' shit.
i want to know it all, now.
if not, when?
in the 'future'??
newsflash folks,
the future is NOW.

WEEEEEEE!!!!!! i am human ^u^

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.cgpa dropped...but IT'S OOOWWWWWWKKKAAAYYYY!!!!!!! XD

sigh.

faith, and trust. that's the problem.

WARNING: offensive contents ahead.
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powerpoint-based lecturer, or student-centered learning program.
which is better?
.
i know that a lot of us are probably rooting for the latter,
but i chose to differ.
.
honestly, i can't bring myself to trust my lecturers,
their explanations aren't very detailed, i have to say.
and it's not the first time my questions got confused with other things,
or deflected, because the teacher him/herself can't come up with a solid explanation to my inquiries.
i don't like voicing out my misunderstandings, only to get myself even more confused and clueless about things i thought i could understand.
.
the way i see it,
we, the student body, is a very flexible unit.
open to new thoughts, new ideas, new theories, new ways to do anything.
we get into lecture halls everyday, expecting to be wow-ed and our minds blown my what's in store for us,
what we could learn, what we could do, what should we expect when we're our there, working for our first pay-day.
to us, anything goes...
we DO still have that "much-ness" (quote from the Mad Hatter, Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland)
and that cheek to think about things in different perspectives,
and ask questions on why can't there be alternative ways to do one thing, for example.
.
problem is, we're so used to this condition where we come in,
fresh and hyped-up about the campus life and our newly-gained independence,
only to be smacked in the head by remarks such as "don't think too much and complicate things, this is the right way to do this...*blablabla*"
or "it's like that because it like that" (not the exact sentence, but something similar to that)
..........wwwwhat???
.
here's the problem:
when we WANT to participate in class, educators are suddenly caught in this strange new mentality that they do not understand,
thereby, being the "more experienced" and "more certified" professionals they are,
they're unofficially granted the permission to use excuses like "don't over-think things" or "that's wrong" or "that's not possible".
(i'm not saying that ALL educators are like that, there are some that actually has what it takes to make us learn better about our subjects...sadly, we don't get assigned 100% to such group of lecturers)
.
i saw a quote/question on facebook not long ago,
and find it making perfect sense:
"one teacher can only teach one subject, how can you expect one student to learn so many subjects?"
and to add to that, what if that one teacher that you've got, doesn't seem to understand his/her own subject?
.
that's when "student-centered learning" got coined, i guess....
apparently we're suppose to find out these things by ourselves and present our thoughts as our lecturers,
(staying true to the way they are trained in education schools), stick closely to their oh-so-perfect powerpoint slides..
.
question:
if we're encouraged to study and understand the courses by ourselves,
participate (and if we could even do presentations) in lectures,
solve our assignments' questions by ourselves,
only refer to our lecturers after class/any other time, if we have any questions,
make use of our technologies to gain knowledge,
where in some cases, the information presented in the lecturer(s) slides are actually taken from wikipedia or yahoo,
.....why do we need to attend lectures??
since it's apparent that we're not learning about anything much during our 50minutes lectures.
.
you must be thinking, "how dare you, as a mere student, question the education system and the educators' abilities in teaching"
well, i've had close to 14years of experiences on being a student.
i think i've earned my right to judge which classes are good, interesting and informational classes, and which aren't.
on the other hand,
educators go through 17-20years of studying to get upgraded to the front of the classroom,
shouldn't THEY know better to tell apart the good from the bad examples of a lecture from their own life as a student??
what methods did they use to make their lectures seem more attractive to us?
why do so many of us still doze off in class, or can't resist our eyes from looking at the ticking...no blinking *digital watches mah* (ever so slowly) watch??
.
so, student-centered learning?
duuuuude, it has always been a student-centered learning system to us students...
honestly it's nothing new.
unless the government suddenly abolishes the lecture-slots and announce that campus students may be exempted from any lectures,
in fact, there will be no lectures.
all we need to show up in lecture halls are for tests, quizzes, assignments and exams.
and if we'd ever have any question, we may seek help from our assigned lecturers on our own time,
via e-mail, or meet them in their offices. (since most of our questions get answered in their offices, when we went to see them personally anyway)
we could have had more time to finish those dreaded assignments, projects and revisions....
not to mention perform better!
by having more time to rest and study with a more peaceful mind instead of running up and down the campus to get to class and all...
(we could even save the environment by reducing the usage of electricity, used to generate power to lecture halls+tutorial rooms...since a lot of them are left unused half of the time they're opened to students)
.
wouldn't that be awesome.
.
until then, i think the education system should maintain the current not-so-student-centered-learning system,
let them use powerpoint slides,
at least there's something to look forward to when we rush our butts of to get to classes.

saja nak complain.....*why the BM eyh? :P*

girls, the non-muslim girls, you must:
1)wear light or conservative coloured tops...simple ones..no flowers or designs..
me--->but...my white one is tight around the...i shouldn't reveal this......and my black n blue ones are stripey...and my purple one is...well..purple :s
.
2)you may wear your pants that you've worn for your presentations that day.
me--->but...it's too baggy....i can't find my other more fitting ones...my skirt is too flowery and chiffon-y...i could wear my chinese orchestra skirt...but...it's too...eeellgh..
.
3)you must bun up your hair.
me--->+_____+ i haven't bun my hair since my last formation-band performance, and that was like....merdeka in 2007...why must it be a bun?? why are ponytails unacceptable?.....ponytails are cuter you know..
.
4)you must make up...i don't want to see pale faces..so make sure you have the foundation..the blush...the lipstick...and the eyeliner...eye-shadows are not necessary though...
me--->why do you do this to me...... TT_TT i don't wanna make up.........
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5)you must wear the proper formal shoes okay...with heels...i don't want flats...heels.
me--->.......owkay...
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.
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the above are the criterias required for my mock interview that i'll be having with my english lecturer....
this particular activity is, apparently, aimed to prepare ourselves for the real thing when we enter the career world.
.
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*sigh*

let's face it...

i can't write..
i've forgotten how to write...
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*insert sad face*
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.
.
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so i had my english essay test yesterday....after a lonnnggg (2yrs) break.
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and i sucked.
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i don't want to talk about food.
why should i talk about food, especially when i'm starving...
why would you ask a person, kebuluran-ing, about whether or not she agrees that the food we eat is the primary determinant of our health...
OBVIOUSLY SHE'D SAY YES!
throw someone under the hot sun, then ask her/him, if a house/roof over our heads is the primary determinant of how well we're living as a person.
SAY YES OF COURSE! strongly agree!
.
+.+
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i don't know what i wrote half the time i'm writing it,
i was thinking about food,
what i want for dinner,
my writing sucked,
my points are all over the place,
i'm talking c*** most of the time,
and worst of all,
instead of facial FEATURES,
i wrote CRITERIAS.
AND i spelled anaphylactic as anniphelectic.
....*sighs*
.
like wtf.
how could i forgot FEATURES and substitute it with CRITERIAS instead.
good lord.
sweet buddha.

you know what's the worst?!

it's when you cringe at the sound of its name,
when you would rather force yourself to sleep right in the middle of the day than to lay eyes upon it,
when you tried answering its questions, only to end up copying the questions WITHOUT ANSWERING IT,
when you can't seem to be sure of the answers you've come up with,so you wrote down a whole bunch of possible solutions,
when the thought of the tutorial classes gives you chills, goosebumps allllll over your body, and your brain shuts down abruptly.
the feeling that you're 1mm tall with 10 spotlights focusing on you whenever the tutor calls your name to answer questions you never thought could exist, and you CAN'T answer it, then you feel like jumping off Komtar.
.
.
i've finally found something that makes me want to eat my eraser, dig my eyes and brain out and pop them, and then stab myself with my pens.
.
i hate organic chemistry.
.
i'm dying before my textbook, and my empty assignment answer sheet. +.+

presentation day:

script?

not done.

.

rehearsal?

none.

.

confident?

nope.

.

practiced?

......nope.

.

so what did i do to prepare myself for the presentation?

.

.

.

.

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camwhore with my formal clothes.

 then i realized that i haven't tried camwhoring during the day....when the sun still shines O.O
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.
.
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so camwhore i did.

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i can't remember a single thing from my whole 12minutes of blabbering in front of the class though...
it's as if i was on auto-pilot the whole time and my real self ran off to hide in a dark corner...
.
.
.
i like going on auto-pilot.
it eliminates how awkward i feel, speaking in public.
too bad for the audience though, i'm sure i was horrible...
stuttering.......grammar mistakes....
oh well~ at least i've done it :)
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btw, i can't stop smiling last night...
i guess it's probably due to the sudden loss of stress....
(NO TESTS LIAO! NO PRESENTATION LIAO! HOLIDAY LIAO! ...owh yeah!)
:B
.
.
but then i still have to complete my SHE(ethnic relations) report,
study organic chemistry(KOT),
study inorganic chemistry(KTT),
complete the online inorganic chemistry quiz,
do notes on KOT, KTT, SHE, material chem, and thermodynamics,
then prepare for SHE, KOT and KTT tests...
.
.
.
.
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dang it! ><

gone.

i hate realizing the fact that i'm falling behind in my studies,
and knowing that i couldn't summon enough will-power to smack myself into shape again.
.
it feels horrible,
to not know what you're supposed to know,
to involuntarily spaced-out during lectures,
to not be able to complete an assignment all by yourself,
to not have a single clue of the things your course-mates discuss about in school.
.
i hate feeling like a failure.
.
don't know if it's the aftermath of having too much holiday,
or i'm just too used to this style of studying...nonchalantly float my way through one semester after another,
just like how i did it in the past two semesters....
.
a part of me couldn't bring myself to realizing that i have about 8subjects to cope with this term...
unlike the past,where 4-big-chunks-of-credit-units were allocated to math(calculus & statistics),
all of my subjects this sem either costs me( yes...COSTS me...) 2-puny-units or 3-ok-lah-units.
.
long story short,
i'm banning myself from facebook and blogger.
i can't stand myself,slacking in everything i do.
.
two weeks, no status-updating, no poking, no personal messaging, no blogging,
no ranting about anything,anywhere.
.
two weeks with just me, my textbooks, my SmallBook, assignments and foolscap papers.
.
see you in.....2weeks.
*fingers crossed*
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p.s: if there's any emergency, please contact me via handphone :)

TOR.TURE.

it's 3.15pm in the afternoon.
what the hell am i doing right now eyh?
let's see:
nothing.
.
is it possible for me to surpass the stage of anxiety,
and enter a level where, worrying is not going to help me in anyway anymore?
i have...2tests and a quiz in total this week.
well,2tests...actually...since i've taken my quiz this morning...
.
and is it possible,to be so used to constantly being IN stress
that it becomes a part of you
and your body recognises it as an aspect of the very definition of yourself,
and thereby,eliminates all effects that stress SHOULD have on you?
.
i think so.
since school reopened on the 7th, i've had countless tests and quizzes.
constantly have to keep myself updated with the facts and formulae just in case the questions that comes out involves extra topics that weren't mentioned by the lecturer/tutor...
that i think, it's starting to become a routine for me to revise my work..
.
i don't like revising though...
i am used to facing books in a definite amount of time in a day...
lets say...
my habit is to read books for...3hours in a day...
doesn't matter what book,or how long i read in one session,
as long as i've registered 3hours worth of words in my memory.
and that's that.
no more.
even if my life depends on it my brain just won't accept anymore data of this sort.
.
the excessive revision and attention i've spent on assignments and tests wore me down,
i have to be honest here.
sometimes i just feel like not doing the work...nor attend the lectures...
and i did.
not doing the work.
not attending the lectures.
'i've stuffed myself with enough things on this subject,must i continue choking myself with more of it?'
.
yes.
truancy is bad.
not doing the work is just as terrible.
i can't help it,you know?
i can't stand facing the same few things everyday,for 6days in a week.
so damn boring.
there isn't much choice for you to pick on which chapter,or which book you feel like reading today.
.
dowan physical chem?organic chem then..dowan?programming la...dowan oso ah?statistics lorh...hah?! still dowan ah?...er...korean la...TITAS? no test no assignment on it so you dowan oso?hmm.........physical chem???
.
i know i'm not smart.
tend to mess up here and there.
can't help it though, i'm born careless.
.
which is why i can never be 100% confident of my work...
i like to keep quiet.
do my part.
finish it.
check,recheck.
and wait to confirm with any other person that completes the same task i've done.
this is my style.
.
i don't like to cause trouble to others for my carelessness.
but when a question is directed to me,
of course,
i do try to answer them.
.
one thing that really pisses me off,
is when a person comes and ask you a question,
gets your answer,
and when both of your results differ and theirs happens to be correct,
the said individual not only ignores the fact that maybe you should be enlightened with the correct way to answer a certain question asked,
but constantly find ways to verify your mistake and their,should i say,victory.
and does it so obviously in your face too.
'not like that right? like this ni correct. yala like this ma. so i'm correct and she's wrong.'
.
what the hell.
.
maybe you haven't met such people,but from my experience...
there's too many to count.
it's frustrating,you know?
i'm not a teacher to begin with,
we are of the same level of students here.
is it that much of a big deal for you to confirm so frequently with so many people that i made a mistake?
.
i shall remain quiet.
like i've said, i'm not smart.
i don't get 100% results even if i gave 110% of my effort.
.
confucius: it is better to remain silent and be assumed to be foolish,than to open your mouth and confirms it.

like a broken record

TT_______________TT
aih.
.
tomorow: MAA assignment:not done...MAT assignment:not started.
thursday: KFT test....MAT test....both only one hour apart....
.
before cny,test.
after cny, test again.
after quiz,test.
after test,test again.
then exam.
.
life as a student is just too exciting. *shoots self*
.
i remember complaining about having to sit for mid-term exams,mid-year exams,and finals...
not happy with taking 7 to 10 papers all at once.
well now i regret complaining about it.
i'm happier when the E word hits me like a grenade.
bom sekali saja.
mati sekali saja.
.
now?
every course have their own schedule.
they have quizzes and tests according to their own decisions.
.
feels like i'm walking in a field filled with landmines..
walk walk walk.
KABOOM. kaki tarak.
hop hop.
KABLAM. kaki lagi satu hilang.
.
today you need to stuff your head with organic chemistry.
tomorow, physical chemistry,
the day after that, statistics.
and just when you think 'oowwhh..finally i've done all the tests...'
lecturers will start to ask,'we will have our second test on the week after the next,what day do you want it?'
.
i don't want any of it,anyday,anytime.
.
.
you know what Drew Barrymore said about relationships in 'he's just not that into you'?
about how staying in contact with the guys she likes(a.k.a potentials boyfriends)?
if you've never watched it before,
she said something about how troublesome it is for her to know if a guy is interested in her because with the advancement(advancement??=.=') of technology, she now has to check her facebook,email,msn,twitter,etc just to know if the guy had left her a message.
compared to the era before computers became affordable to us.
something like that.
.
the 'guy' to her is equivalent to the 'assignments' to me.
last time, students get their assignments from one single place.
one point source.
then pass them up to one person in charge when it's completed.
NOW.
we have online assignments(from the expensive textbooks),
standard assignments(the ones we have to do once we enrolled into the course)
extra assignments.(ones given by your lecturer/tutor)
so we have to go from east to west to load/get/do the questions,
then hand them in through multiple ways after we're done.
.
frankly,the amount of work isn't a problem to me,
i just don't like going to many places to do homework for the same subject.
i'm a careless person,
sure,i may be quite efficient in completing those problems,but hand them in?
that's a challenge to me,'cause i'll never know when my hands will slip and threw the assignments into the wrong places or when my internet connection will crash,leaving my unsaved answers floating into the high-tech virtual black-hole.
.
just agree on one definite place why don't you.
give us your 1001questions one shot.
at least we'll have more time to complete them after regaining our consciousness (you know,after fainting).
.
i'm having CYS(Christine Yeoh's Syndrome) again...
i feel pressured,tension,depressed because the tests are coming really,really soon and i'm afraid that i can't remember everything i've studied.
so stressed i have to relax myself by not studying.
which,by doing so,will cause precious time to be wasted.
then i won't have time to prepare for the said tests.
which made me more stressed.
which will elevate my need to relax myself even more.
and by relaxing i got even more stressed.
(you get the idea.it's a endless cycle)
and before you know it,it's the day of the test.
and you're still not prepared for it.
.
how depressing is my life,that i have resolved to blogging (about nothing) just because my brain can't accept anymore formulaes and theories.
.
TT______________________TT
aih.

battery

it's becoming a habit..
everytime i see the battery life of my netbook.
if it's full,update blog.
if 20% left,surf the net,suck the power dry from this machine.
.
heck,i don't even know what to update!
.
i'm glad camp starts tomorow...
i've gained a lot of weight over the holidays..
now i can't even deceive myself into thinking that i didn't gain THAT much fat on my body.
so disgusted with myself.
went shopping(kinda) yesterday..
do you realise how many skinny people there are these days?!?!
even clothes mostly comes in smaller sizes now!!
i hate the phrase 'it's free-size'
cause it literally means that i can wear it,but it looks fugly on me.
i should migrate
to somewhere where clothes are made bigger
and fits nicely on bigger people
LIKE ME.
plus,i have wider hips,and fatter legs (obviously from sitting too much!!)
can't get decent clothes that make me look presentable here.
well i probably can't get proper clothes anywhere else anyway.
i think i'm a pear.
nothing looks good on pears.
is there any place that sells jumpsuits?
like,bob-the-builder sort of jeans jumpsuit.
'cause that's probably the only thing i feel comfortable in right now.
geez.
dont even get me started with the designs on the garments these days!
laces,ribbons,princess-cut,fluffy stuff. (no offence daph)
one word to describe it: girly stuff.
me,no likey.
it's just not suitable for me.
dahla saiz besar, gemuk dan tak feminine lagi...
i'll look like a transvestite troll in them.
i want to exercise,but something always stopped me from doing it.
anyway
there's also an 'awkward vibe' at home.
i felt like i'm being watched,all the time.
can't take it.
it's freaky.
need some time away from this place...
although this means i'll have to be separated from my Loco..
:(
oh well.
.
am having some questions on the course-registrating stuff...
do i do it online? or manually at school?
the manual clearly stated that 'students have to register their courses manually in their respective school if they haven't chose a minor course/elective'.
sure,it also states that this applies only to some of the schools in campus...
i have a feeling that chem school is one of those that fall into the 'some' category..
manual,or online?
i'll do the online one...if it fails then manual.
problem,solved.
.
20th december...
gosh,hopefully my name doesn't appear anywhere there.
.
the internet always disconnects whenever you have important things you have to do..
it's frustrating.
.
only 16more days to go..can you believe it?
20units to come.

it's that time again

i can't take it i can't take it i can absolutely not take it!
the 'force/area'.
tak boleh tahan.
.
nothing feels right,right now...
you'd think you get it,
the theories,the methods to solve problems
but then when you take another look at your texbook/notebook/reference book.
foreign.
.
as much as i like writing things down,
i hate long winding passages.
k.i.s.s.
it that so hard too do?
the more you explain,
the more confuse us student gets
the worst part is,
when you don't understand it,brought it to your lecturer,he/she takes a look at it,and tells you it's ok,you don't have to know it,
or,
criticizes your level of understanding of the text,
this should be easy for you to get it, you're a chemistry student.
(well i guess there is still the chance where the lecturer is nice and willing to explain it word by word to you,but i'm feeling passive today,so bear with me)
.
you can't untangle the knots whichever way.
augh..i hate pages with millions of words.
.
tests,
tomorow,the day after tomorow, thursday.
when i list it down this way it seems less intimidating..
'three days ni mah...it's ok wan..ban ban lai..'
but it's the stress that you get,
knowing that YOU are the one that will be sitting in the exam hall..
all alone..
and all you have with you are your calculator, 2B pencil, eraser, blue ball pen, correction tape, ruler.
and the question paper.
.
it's like a devil in disguise
that few sheets of A4.
.
suddenly the phrase 'you may begin now' sounds like a death sentence.
*chop*
.
you have no time to think,
no time to breathe.
no time to swallow you saliva.
no time to shiver from the cold temperature.
.
silence.
the hall looks completely still as everyone tackles the make-believe problems.
the only movement you see is the moving of our hands.
scribbling down the formulae
punching the buttons on the scientific calculators.
.
once in a while,
a couple of them flips the sheets of paper front. back.
shit.
someone finished solving the first page,and is moving to the next 5questions.
.
question number10.
15minutes since the war began.
45minutes to go.
.
question 16.
stuck.
you dilemma.
should i skip this question and come back to it later?
but if i continue to search for the solution in my head, i know i'll find the way.
skip.
or continue staring at it?
tick.
tock.
tick.
tock.
tick.
.
10 more minutes left.
4questions still unanswered.
you're tired.
exhausted like you've never been in your life.
you flip through the 30questions and check if they tally with the shaded circles on the OMR.
back to the same sixteen,empty spots on the OMR.
what should it be.
A. B. C. D.
you clicked on the calculator.
multiply,divide,plus,minus.
hoping somehow a number close to any of the four selections will pop up.
screw the theories.
click. click. click.
.
'times up. please stop writing. please make sure that your IC number is shaded correctly. we will collect your answer papers now'
.
you came out of the hall.
puzzled.
not knowing what the result of your battle will be.
slowly dragging your feet,you head to you bag.
and there's only one thought going through your mind.
'one down. 9more to go.'

crackzilla

cracking...
i realised a lot of my joints are..crack-able..
1)fingers
2)toes
3)neck
4)wrists
5)elbow
6)spine/waist/hip?
7)knees
children..don't follow what aunty kL does kay...
it's not good for your body..
though it doesn't increase the chances of you getting arthritis,but it's not good lah..
don't really understand what happens when our joints are cracked too often (still researching about it)
anyway just don't do it..
.
alright maybe 'don't do it' is too hard to do..
correction: don't crack your joints TOO OFTEN.
but it feels so good when you(i) hear the 'crack!' sound...suddenly the joint feels so loose...
me...likey..
*smacks self*
*****
annnnyway,
wus presentation tonight. followed by chinese orchestra practice.return to damai.do tatabahasa.read radioactivity.sleep.
.
saturday. kut101 written test. all mcq. 9am @ DUPC
next monday: kat test. 25mcq. 10am@ DKS
tuesday: maa test. chapters 5-8. 3pm @ DKG31
thursday: ktt test. 30mcq. 9am @ PHS2 basement. then kat tutorial quiz. then wus exam. 9pm @ DUPC/D
friday: no test kua..
SATURDAY!!!!!
.
the ultimate good news of this week: no more---> maa+ktt tutorials, lab, wus!
now i only have one class on tuesday: maa @ 3pm...THEN I'M FREE! ahahahhahahahhahah!!!!!
can sleep till late late...wake up late late...do things slow slow....be happy happy~
*grins*
.
p.s: don't potong my steam kay,i know i still have to study for finals...

an ass tee

it's been a while since i last bought and read a newspaper...
bought one last tuesday ^^
i know a lot of people read star,or berita harian, or metro
i read the news straits times
i find it appropriate, the content, the articles...
don't like too many advertisements
i don't read newspapers to find new things to spend money on.
i like the words they use too
i find it useful, especially for us students who needs to sit for language exams...
(am using 'i' too often eyh..)
long story short,
i'll just list down some words/phrases that i find interesting and applicable to our daily lives..
here goes:
.
1)the moles must be weeded out quickly=the problems must be solved asap
2)hot potato=big problem (like 'hot soup')
3)pedagogy=a study of being a teacher
4)bigotry=intolerance
5)keep your cards close to your chest= being very secretive
6)tip-top condition
7)pandemonium=chaos, a noisy place
8)iron out=solve
9)a significant barometer
10)(my favourite quote from this edition,regarding bus accidents)'So regular are such mishaps on some of the region's best roads that they could almost be considered a ritual sacrifice by the larger society to a blood-thirsty deity.'
11)precarious=lacking in security
12)infringements=violations(law,rules)
13)stoic/deadpan = indifferent
14)vaudeville/slapstick
15)mano-a-mano
.
alright..there's to many to list down
fyi, i've only listed words up to page 17 of the newspaper
will take me a while to reach the end of it at this rate.

truancy

tuesday...8.51pm..
am supposed to be at chinese orchestra prac right now...
truancy is addictive.
though not as addictive as going home... :)
addiction to going home probably fuelled the addiction to skip classes..
feels good doing it though...
until your conscience kicks you in the head :s
anyways, i have 4weeks left in here...not that there's anything different going home since it's only 15 minutes away, but it's the 'i don't have to come for lectures for 1-2months' feeling...
i'll be able to drive by occasionally and point and laugh and said 'HAH! i'm passing by you,but i don't have to go to you~~~~~~~'
9.02pm...i should start reading for my essay test tomorow...
nnnaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh~ :p
it's confusing sometimes,doing those assignments...
your answers may be the same,but it may be marked wrong...
this statement is only applicable to LKM by the way (LKM= BM,bahasa Malaysia)
your points maybe different,but somehow the same (according to the lecturer)
you're encourage to do things your way,provided it's correct,but usually things done our way are wrong...
how do we know if we're doing the right thing?
we might as well learn to copy whatever that is taught and just follow it right?
anything to get the passing mark..
seriously, why are language courses a compulsory thing here??
my friends don't have to take these courses and go through what we all have gone through for 13years...the aural..the essays...the comprehensions...
we're all gonna graduate and speak in Manglish and bahasa rojak anyway..
it's always the same in public exams
'pass your language paper,you may do poorly in your other papers but you have to do well for your language papers'
why???? what difference does it make???
we're still going to enter a higher level of education and RETAKE this course and start all over again with all these grammar stuff anyway...
is passing,significant??
we may do very well and get As in these subjects, but come out into the society with the 'lah's and 'mah's and using 3-4different languages in one sentence and STILL no one would bother...
i find learning a language more efficient outside of the classroom...where we interact with others without being reminded constantly that 'we have to pass this subject'
it's just like chinese-educated students trying to speak english...they tend to think too much about their grammar mistakes rather than actually listening to the correct way to use the words when it's being presented to them...
because we've gone through this same medium of teaching for this same subjects for too long, we've forgotten why is it that we have to learn it in the first place...
wake up and smell the coffee.
we're only studying the languages for the sake of passing the exams, not studying to apply them properly and grammatically correct in our lives..
imagine,
a person spoke perfect English/Bahasa Baku on a customer's service counter.
appropriate? some what...
but do you expect the lady/gentleman at the counter to speak this way as well?
they'd probably think that you're showing off.
or you're crazy.

tribute to my first ever SUNDAY test.

how frustrating is it to not know if you understand the topic you've studied.
i mean, i understand the solutions to the problems, the theories, the explanations
i just don't know if i can answer the questions in tests and exercises.
what logic is there?
i understand,but i don't understand.
what the hell
sometimes,the knowledge is there, but it's locked somewhere in your head.
you see it,you just can't access it.
if only every questions only needs you to tick 'yes',or 'no'.
is 1390+71=120?
Yes ( ) No ('tick!')
do you have a brain?
Yes ('tick') No ( )
do you know how to use it?
Yes ( ) No (tick)
do you think you'll pass this test?
Yes (tick) No ( )
so,how bout an A?
Yes,thank you (tick) No ( )
.
if only.
.
why is sunday picked? it's a holiday.
off-day.
people go to church on sundays.
we rest on sundays.
it's a family day.
it's MY day off.
rob my priviledge.
how could you.
how do you sleep at night.
chan ren.

schedule

15 days until everyone's back in penang again!! ^^
lol..i feel like a mother waiting for her children to come home...
how many days does this sem break lasts? a week?
a week..+ -...

i'm starting to like thursdays...
9-10am=ktt
then rest~
3-4pm=kat tutorial
and rest again~
8-11pm=wus
but i might (MIGHT) leave the lecture at 10pm...

i love thursdays...it's the only weekday where i can relax and drink tea and nganga in between lectures ^^ provided that all my assignments are completed,like today ^u^

i like mondays too:
9-10am=maa
10-11am=kat (temporary class,since my lecturer got heart attack-ed :s)
11-12noon=ktt
then resssstttttt~
8-10pm=fencing

tuesdays are alright:
8-9am=maa tutorial
10-1pm=kut
3-4pm=maa
then rest~
8-10pm=chinese orche prac

wednesday:
8-9am=kat
10-12noon=lkm
then lunch break~
3-4pm=ktt tutorial
rest again~
8-10pm=fencing

friday! ^^ :
8-9am=kat
10-11am=ktt
12.30-2.30pm=buddhist society
3-4pm=maa
then rest~
8-10pm=fencing~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

love my current timetable...
gotta enjoy it while i can...before i mati dihempap by 19units worth of courses on the up-coming semester...

some find my schedule a bit...packed...which i don't really agree with them 'cause i do get enough rest in between whatever activity or lecture...maybe it's the fencing and chinese orchestra that they're refering to..but honestly,it's alright to me since i'm interested in these stuff...or why would i even take the trouble to join in the first place right...
gotta admit though,fencing is slightly tougher than i thought,training wise...but after a while you kinda got the hang of it...another thing is...i find myself getting more and more comfortable sitting kang-kang again...sigh...after going through the trouble to train myself to sit properly...
well i don't have to elaborate on chinese orchestra la...it's like sggsband,without the marching and parades and formations...oh,and instead of english,they use mandarin(duh)...and numbers are used instead of music notes in their music scores...hmm...that's about all...usm's chinese orche just got established 2-3years ago,so there really isn't much to talk about,yet...

anyways..i'm supposed to be studying for my kat test...or making samples for my wus business stuff...instead i'm hopping between blogging and facebooking...it's human nature to be side-tracked once in a while,no?

btw,i am hurt that nobody left me any comments `o`
..humph