everything in between

had a lot in my mind to write about..
somehow they all disappeared as i type in my user ID and password...
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in a blink of an eye, we've reached the end of november..
one more month to the beginning of sem2...
found myself repeating the same phrase to myself all over again..
'time really flies,huh..'
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i've never really broken out of my shell that defines who i apparently am..
i guess i'll never really shed that image and live like someone else..
the fact that i lack women's instinct,diligence and self-esteem is perhaps something i have to live with for the rest of my life..
oh well..
.
at the end of each year,
everyone will set a 'new year's resolution' for themselves..
with the hopes of improving themselves as an individual and maybe live a better life than they had lived so far..
i wonder how many have actually realise and achieved what they've set out to do on the 1st of january each year..
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resolutions...
never had one..
don't see the point of it..
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maybe that's my problem..
i can't even complete short-term tasks that i assign myself to...
what more a one-year contract with myself...
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i get bored too easily..
this is the consensus i come to after years of observation..
things that are too easily achieved,
things that takes too long for me to succeed,
things that aren't permanent..
gets boring fast...
.
i dive in fast,
get a clue of what it really is,
and get out.
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i wonder if it's the same to me even when people are involved..
what if it is..
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every person has something that they're good at,
what they're born to do...
i don't exactly know mine yet.
my incapabilities shield myself from knowing what i'm really capable of..
and my efficiency in keeping all that secret balled up in a bubble scares even myself..
i fear the day its fragile,few-cell thick membrane disintegrates...
what if what i can do,isn't what i want it to be?
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hiperventilating..
need to draw.
or bang onto something.