puddle

question of the century: what am i good at?
no seriously,
what am i good at?
.
i often ask myself this...
never once i get an answer i'm satisfied with.
.
no
don't say 'you can draw'
'you can play music'
or 'don't be silly,your smart'
.
bullshit.
.
'i can'
this is all i ever hear myself say...
piano? yeah sure,i can learn how to play...
straight As? okay,i can try...
draw? well i can draw trees,and abstract stuff that nobody understands...
.
hey,how about being a president for our society?
hey,how about a little post called the captain of Fry house?
hey,wanna be a drum-majorette?
hey,why don't you conduct the band for a while?
yeah.
sure.
but i'm not any good at it.
.
i can do this,i can do that...
but not once i can tell myself
'you, are made for this. pursue this. this is you.'
.
i've heard it a lot of times
'you're good at drawing'
'you're good at music'
'you're a leader'
'you're smart'
.
so?
that's all you've got to tell me?
no award
no cash
no career
no special insentives
no nothing.
so it doesn't make me any different than anybody else in the world now does it.
it doesn't bring me any closer to answering my question.
.
this:

this is me.
my life.
there's always the hike,
hard,tiring,took me a long time to reach the top.
oh but IS THERE a 'top'?
a-ha.
.
it's a repeating situation,you know?
i learn something,
then i start to master it,
absorbing all the knowledge i can store like a sponge,
then that's it.
finish.
the end.
can't show nobody my full potential.
why?
i don't know.
i just can't.
.
i feel like all these time i've spent on these so called 'skills'
has gone to waste 'cause newsflash!
i still can't figure my life out yet!
who the hell am i?
what am i suppose to do in my life??
.
i'm so tired of hitting all the wrong bulleyes
filling my brain with things that doesn't really affect my future in life.
programming myself to constantly trying things that i know i will never be the best at.
side-tracking from reaching my 'end point'.
.
i'm.exhausted.
frustrated at myself.
sulking at how messed up i am.
.
all in 3days before the starting of my exams.
.
fuck my life lah.
.
i'm like her.
able to look like someone else,
walk like someone else,
talk like someone else,
deceive the world as someone else,
but never
NEVER
never going to be that 'someone else'.
.
i am nothing but a mirage.
.
a puddle
is a tiny pool of water
formed only after the rain.
.
can't drown anybody
after all,
it's only 3cm deep.