TOR.TURE.

it's 3.15pm in the afternoon.
what the hell am i doing right now eyh?
let's see:
nothing.
.
is it possible for me to surpass the stage of anxiety,
and enter a level where, worrying is not going to help me in anyway anymore?
i have...2tests and a quiz in total this week.
well,2tests...actually...since i've taken my quiz this morning...
.
and is it possible,to be so used to constantly being IN stress
that it becomes a part of you
and your body recognises it as an aspect of the very definition of yourself,
and thereby,eliminates all effects that stress SHOULD have on you?
.
i think so.
since school reopened on the 7th, i've had countless tests and quizzes.
constantly have to keep myself updated with the facts and formulae just in case the questions that comes out involves extra topics that weren't mentioned by the lecturer/tutor...
that i think, it's starting to become a routine for me to revise my work..
.
i don't like revising though...
i am used to facing books in a definite amount of time in a day...
lets say...
my habit is to read books for...3hours in a day...
doesn't matter what book,or how long i read in one session,
as long as i've registered 3hours worth of words in my memory.
and that's that.
no more.
even if my life depends on it my brain just won't accept anymore data of this sort.
.
the excessive revision and attention i've spent on assignments and tests wore me down,
i have to be honest here.
sometimes i just feel like not doing the work...nor attend the lectures...
and i did.
not doing the work.
not attending the lectures.
'i've stuffed myself with enough things on this subject,must i continue choking myself with more of it?'
.
yes.
truancy is bad.
not doing the work is just as terrible.
i can't help it,you know?
i can't stand facing the same few things everyday,for 6days in a week.
so damn boring.
there isn't much choice for you to pick on which chapter,or which book you feel like reading today.
.
dowan physical chem?organic chem then..dowan?programming la...dowan oso ah?statistics lorh...hah?! still dowan ah?...er...korean la...TITAS? no test no assignment on it so you dowan oso?hmm.........physical chem???
.
i know i'm not smart.
tend to mess up here and there.
can't help it though, i'm born careless.
.
which is why i can never be 100% confident of my work...
i like to keep quiet.
do my part.
finish it.
check,recheck.
and wait to confirm with any other person that completes the same task i've done.
this is my style.
.
i don't like to cause trouble to others for my carelessness.
but when a question is directed to me,
of course,
i do try to answer them.
.
one thing that really pisses me off,
is when a person comes and ask you a question,
gets your answer,
and when both of your results differ and theirs happens to be correct,
the said individual not only ignores the fact that maybe you should be enlightened with the correct way to answer a certain question asked,
but constantly find ways to verify your mistake and their,should i say,victory.
and does it so obviously in your face too.
'not like that right? like this ni correct. yala like this ma. so i'm correct and she's wrong.'
.
what the hell.
.
maybe you haven't met such people,but from my experience...
there's too many to count.
it's frustrating,you know?
i'm not a teacher to begin with,
we are of the same level of students here.
is it that much of a big deal for you to confirm so frequently with so many people that i made a mistake?
.
i shall remain quiet.
like i've said, i'm not smart.
i don't get 100% results even if i gave 110% of my effort.
.
confucius: it is better to remain silent and be assumed to be foolish,than to open your mouth and confirms it.