sem2

have to say...programming is not my element.

not now not ever.

i have never been good in things related to computers,so C++?

it's like a shot-gun pointing permanently at me,firing everytime i lay eyes upon it.

i'd die a thousand times,and still i won't be able to understand it.

the thoughts of my exam results on that subject gives me the chills.

i may fail. and have to retake it.

go through the all that codes that i don't understand all over again.

you know, i tried, being optimistic and take it all in slowly,

didn't work.

and now i'm about 3weeks away from facing the fact that for the first time in years,

i may be getting an F.

.

out of 10person who took physical chemistry, 9 says it's hard.

i don't completely deny that,

but i do understand what the lecturer's teaching.

i just can't seem to find the link to apply it to solving questions.

which takes me all the way back to square one.

might as well don't study right, since i can't solve the problems anyway...

why all the stress?

.

the sight of assignments and test dates makes me sick.

literally.

i feel like vomiting everytime i add dates for my tests into my list..

my head simply shuts down. rejecting everything i try to force in.

and i'm not even exaggerating this.

coming home to find out that i have to open my books again,even after the tests,

makes me even sicker.

this time,i have to flip front and back to search for answers to my assignments.

worried. since i can't do them by myself.

and while i'm scribbling rubbish in the blank space right under the copied questions,

i start to think about the quizzes i have to take on the next few days.

quizzes that test on the topics i have yet to master.

and while i prepare for these quizzes, i think about the tests i have to sit for almost right after i hand in my answer sheets in those quizzes.

.

before you know it, i have only one week to polish up my knowledge in those topics that-i-still-don't-know-what-they're-about before final exams.

.

it got to me, pressure.

as days go by,

the more i feel like giving up.

fuck those tests.

fuck those assignments.

fuck those quizzes.

.

suddenly i don't care about "Dean List" anymore.

it's nothing but a pointless piece of A4 paper anyway.

i just want this semester to get the hell out of my life and let me move on.

.

you know, i would cry to release some tension i have couped-up inside of me,

but my body isn't cooperating with me right now.