Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Great Wall of blog-entries

i have no idea how long have i been gone from the blogsphere,too lazy to check anyway..
so these couple of days i baked again. and failed.
my sponge cake turned out to be a rock cake.
hard as wood.
minitart worked,
big tart failed...i put too much fruits on it that the they start watering,
and the tart absorbed the juice which made it mushy...
my mum kept saying the crust were uncooked when IT EFFIN' IS and it's annoying.
i baked the crust first before adding the topping. it's literally against the law of nature and science for it to be even slightly uncooked.
anyway, i had to cut them into slices and bake them again to harden those mushy pastry parts.
and i burnt some of them.
my dad was being super supportive and gave me loads of good reviews,which was good and bad at the same time 'cause that actually accentuated my mum's criticism on my food.
this is so depressing.
i wanna quit baking.
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i forgot to bring Lola for her second vaccination...we went 10 days later than scheduled.
the centre was empty when we got there...looked deserted.
and the vet almost looked.....sad and lonely.
i feel bad for him,coming to work in this big empty office all alone,everyday...
i realized the silence and the blank-ness 'cause i took Loco to a different vet for his vaccination,
and Loco's vet centre has 3-4 assistants..the clinic looked very homey and warm,with snacks for visiting owners and their dogs...very nice...
complete opposite of Lola's vet.
Lola's vet has the most simple-looking clinic you can find...there's no furniture,no posters showing information on animals n stuff...there was an operation room,and his office.
i didn't see his gang-member look-alike assistant there yesterday..
such difference...
it almost made me tear up..
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did some thinking these few days..
thought about how i have only 2months left of holiday,
and i haven't been doing much with my time.
haven't been to a lot of places.
haven't seen much of the world.
there's too much things to do to fit in 62 days...
.
i thought about my house,
about how i've managed to live through 3months of construction noises...
how i lived through days with almost no privacy at home...
dirt,dust..everywhere.
just two more weeks before finally able to moved back to my room.
by the way, after the feud my parents had with my sucky neighbour,
those extra space we thought we're gonna get ended up not happening,
my room ended up being shrunk.
not that i should be very hurt,i'm not feeling anything much really,
now all i really want is to have a room to myself again.
i hate being stared at while i sleep.
and i'm the one that wakes up the latest in the family these days,not being stared is probably not feasible..
i don't want to sleep next to wet clothes and have my undergarments torn by Lola the very next morning anymore.
she only likes to ruin mine,how strange is that.
she must've liked how my butt smells like. +___+
good thing i don't spend much on those garments.
her hundreds of kisses on my lips every morning just ain't gonna make up for the holes on my panties any longer.
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money.
i know how to save up for rainy days,
but what about those times when i just feel like pampering myself?
i feel guilty when i make purchases,questioning myself if it's worth my money...
not working has definitely increase the guilt i feel.
no input,only output.
the equation is not balanced.
i feel so spoiled.
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when i graduate,and got a job,
i'm gonna start out broke.
i don't know if i'll be able to manage my money well.
what if i overspent on things i don't need,and neglect things that actually matters?
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how am i going to adjust to working life,considering the fact that i haven't really HAD a job in a foreign place, by myself before.
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what if i end up as the idiotic one everybody hates in the office.
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i don't like making friends with the idea of starting a relationship in mind.
i think that's just plain ignorant. and shallow.
jahil.
it's not like all women have to end up with the men they meet.
get married have babies and the end.
what's so special in that?
marriage.
poppycocks.
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mind-games,i don't like.
it's like,u have to think a lot about what you tell the other person so they don't misunderstand.
it's tiring.
i just want to get to know people.
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why can't the world be consist of only one gender.
that way we could all be friends with no hidden agendas.
you want to fuck?
go find some plant and fertilize your womb with its seeds.
every pregnancy will be intended,abortion would not be necessary.
neither is marriage,since they'll probably end up with a divorce anyway.
come to think of it, the purpose of a marriage is to legalize and establish the identity of the offspring, whether the parents like each other or not.
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i'm quite positive that i want to live out my life alone.
i'm fishing myself out of the ocean.
an aquarium sounds pretty good if it's big enough relative to my size,with loads of corals and sea anemone....seaweed. seashells. caves. sunken ships with hidden treasures.
an environment that is interesting,yet safe.
i don't mind aging as an old virgin with two or three dogs up in a mountain.
and that's that.
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i've been knitting...
am planning to make a pouch for my instax..
then a bag for my pouch for my instax.
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i'd even bought a tripod for it..
now my camera is complete.
all i need to do is to practise my picture-taking skills.
can't waste my films anymore. they're expensive.
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i finally got my Simple Plan cd yesterday :)
people don't get why i like them so much(even more than i like Dong Bang Shin Ki)..
some purposely refuse to listen to their songs just because i like them...(she'll know what exactly i'm talking about +____+)
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i can't really explain why i especially like Simple Plan.
maybe because all the other songs by all the other artists made sense to me,
but i couldn't relate to it.
let's face it,
i don't know speck about how much you can love a person that you feel his/her presence wherever you are,
nor how it feels like to have so much confidence in yourself that nothing that anyone tells you would bring you down.
.
i know myself,
i'm confident in myself,
but sometimes i could be fragile and anything that came in my way just crushes me.
and those times are the time when i'm lost,and have no one to turn to.
those are the times,when i switch on my mp3,and their song came on,and everything seems ok,
and every word they sang made me feel like i'm not the only one that goes through this.
i realized that all these are what makes us grow up.
the ups and downs that nobody can escape.
to learn that even if the world seemed like it's crumbling down at this moment,it's not.
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but perhaps i just found myself the sort of music that suited my current point in life.
.
anyway, i love all the songs in their current album.
especially this song. it just says all i want to say:

feel like crying everytime i listen to it.

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