i need to go on hiatus.

it's not like i don't want to study anymore.
i just feel unmotivated...
i feel like i don't know why am i here.
.
thinking about school makes me nauseous.
i literally have this tingle at the back of my mouth,
the kind that makes you gag.
.
i know it's the exam week,
and i'm suppose to put aside all distractions and focus on getting my facts right,
but i can't.
no matter how many times i flipped through the textbooks, the exercises and my notebook,
my brain goes blank everytime i tried to refresh my memory on what have i revised.
.
everytime i open my book i started to look at the time.
"15minutes.....
30minutes.......
45minutes.....
i need a break. will be back in 1hour."
but i was never back in my room after that 1hour break.
this is how i've spent my days during study week AND exam week.
.
my mind is flooded by the things i want to do when the exams ended.
the novels i want to read,
the places i want to go,
the people i want to meet,
the things i want to learn.
the consequences of my current behaviour on my grades wasn't even the last thing that pops up in my head.
.
i guess i haven't failed anything in such a long time that i've somehow convinced myself
that no matter how badly i'll do in my papers, i can never fail.
so i let myself rot.
.
honest to Buddha,
i don't want to study right now.
.
i think, i'm going to let go of my grades this semester
and don't stress myself so much.
everybody needs to fail and take a break once in a while...
.
i need something,
a sign.
something that guides me back to who i was.
i need to reboot and rediscover myself.