it's a disease.
everytime holiday starts i feel this sudden emptiness in my heart.
yes, heart.
not my mind, because there are always things that i'm thinking of,
not my soul, because it has never been fully filled, emptiness is a norm in there.
but the heart?
it's as if there's a faucet beneath the mechanism that opens and drains out whatever content it collects, periodically.
kind of reminds me of the separatory funnel, that device i called my heart.
only, it did not extract anything from the contents.
.
i guess it's the things and the stages of life i realized that i've not reached yet.
things that only comes to mind when i tear myself away from school,
and find myself looking from the different aspects of life,
at the different people in my life.
.
once again i find myself standing in the same spot where i was months, years ago.
have i grown, matured? no.
.
i question myself, what am i going to do to improve?
then i answered, i don't know.
.
i'm getting tired of asking the same questions, over and over again.
yet, i'm desperate to find the answers to them.
i want peace.
i want the kind of silence in my mind that isn't deafening, but instead, warm and inviting.
.
damn, these tears are hard to be held back.
.
.
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