free-thinker maybe?

warganegara: Malaysia

bangsa: Cina

agama: Buddha

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when i was 12,

i was so sure of my identity and my beliefs.

i knew who i am.

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then later on i learnt that Chinese literally means a citizen of China.

so..okay, i'm Malaysian Chinese then.

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now,

i learnt that Buddhism isn't really a religion,

it's more to an ideology.

philosophy.

a guide to a better place,

an education about how life really came about.

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i call myself a Buddhist all my life,

and yet i don't know what Buddhism is about most of my life.

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i used to think that Buddhism is like any other religion.

there are funny-looking demi-gods and gods that has long beard and is always bald and in a jolly mood,

and there's a heaven that looks like any other place on earth,except that it floats on clouds,

oh and the whole place is governed by a king they called Emperor Jade.

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i was about 9years old and was a big fan of the Journey to the West series...

i thought the Monkey King and the three-eyed God with a Rottweiler were hot.

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recently i learnt that Buddhism is in fact a teaching founded by a an Indian prince, Siddarta Gautama.

Buddhism recognizes no 'god' of any kind,

nevertheless it doesn't deny the fact that there is a supreme being that created our world and gave us life.

everyone is bound to karma

and ever action of the said individual determines his future.

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now i don't understand this:

if Buddhism is about self-discovery and the path to release one's self from dissatisfaction and misery,

why do so many of us Buddhists still pray to Gods?

Heaven God, Hell God...

when what they should do is meditate,ponder upon their actions, and maybe try to understand the situation of where and why are they here...

spiritual stuff,maybe...

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i never really understood why do we pray to the Goddess of Mercy...

some aren't even sure if the Goddess was man or woman before becoming a God...

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perhaps my ignorance is the reason i can't fully accept my culture.

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sometimes the questions i come up with brings me to a state where i start to think,

'i should be a free thinker,since theory teaches me one thing,while practice tells me otherwise'.

there isn't a place where i can go to to find the answers to my questions.

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Buddhism isn't polytheism.

it worships no God.

yet there are so many temples in the world that has so many different Gods and so many people praying to them.

why?

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most of the time we went to the temple,

my mum will hand me some incense and direct me to the big 'bowl' i need to stuck them in.

she will then kneel on one of those cushioned stool-thingamajigs and say some prayers,

while i do the same,except when i kneel down and close my eyes,holding the incense in my hands,

all i can say is:

'hi....my name is Tan Khaw Lin....'

and when most people might proceed with stating their wishes and how much they hope to achieve this and that, i'd say:

'...just came to say hello...',

then move my hands up and down three times,

get up and go cucuk the joss sticks into the dirt in the big bowl.

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i know....like,what the hell is the matter with me.

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i could be too realistic/logical/scientifically-ignorant,

'cause i can never accept nor understand why do we give offerings and flowers and worship Gods,

when we clearly state that we are the disciples of Buddha.

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Happy Wesak Day dudes... ==''