is this, how real life is like.

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off....
.
i can't help but notice how unforgiving people can become when something important is involved.
myself included in "people".
.
some go around complaining to everyone,
instead of doing it right in front of whoever that she/he's pissed about.
some explodes,
splashing all the debris of madness and anger all around the room.
doesn't matter if Buddha walks up to you, he would still be showered with your lashings.
some keeps quiet,
kept every scrap of dissatisfaction balled up in her/his heart.
and slowly dies inside, all alone.
.
i openly admit that i'm no better than anyone that i've encountered (and been annoyed with) in my life.
in fact, i'm worse.
i am stubborn,
i have a strong sense of self-righteousness,
i have a short temper,
my speech filter sometimes malfunctions,
i dwell in the unknown satisfaction of gossiping,
and sometimes when i'm so far off the edge, i'd stop being cooperative.
i'm so fucked up pissed with you.
so you don't deserve my attention, care, and help.
that's what i think.
.
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style
.
i used to be more mellow,
more helpful.
but then one day i've come to realized that was i thought was "being helpful"
keeps turning out to be "over-taking other's responsibility",
or "too hardworking".
well they weren't doing things right,
and i know for a fact that if you want anything to be done right at all, you have to do it yourself.
but i realized that doing too much doesn't always turns out to be fine and dandy.
grades will always be equalized, your hard-work and commitment will always be belittled.
and i'm sick of being under-appreciated.
i'm not noble, i'm not a saint, nor a knight, nor Mother Theresa.
i lived in the shadows almost all my life,
working my butt off but no one ever really realized my contribution.
.
they say, "wow, you're doing so much, thank you hah..", and went on with their lives.
.
it's the kind of emptiness that you feel after trying to do something nice for others,
only to be nonchalantly acknowledged,
then pushed aside to make way for life and other useless things.
.
it's the kind of emptiness that one day just make you say,"enough. i'm not doing anymore pro-bono work.
i'd rather die doing only my part than barely stay afloat doing everything and support everyone who doesn't even know that i'm alive."
.
people will judge, haters will hate.
nothing is equal and right in this world,
but one thing is straight.
we all die.
eventually, if not today.
.
i want to live my life with as minimal regrets as i can get.
i'm not an animal, nor a slave, so i don't live to serve.
i'm not an entertainer, nor a politician, so don't lived to be well-liked either.
.
on the contrary, being mean has it's benefits.
benefits only i know, and not to tell all you nice people of the world.
you're probably too nice to deserve them anyway.
well, sucks for you.
.
Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
-"Some nights",by Fun.