Note to self

i am 62kg.

i am not slim, or skinny, but I am the right size.

So exercise, eat healthy, live healthy, stay healthy,

don't suffer for that couple of kilos.

Weight that is not meant to be lost will come back after its gone.

Trying too hard to get rid of it is a pointless effort.

Even if I cut down on my food intake, exercise every single day until I'm exhausted beyond my imagination,

I will never be as light at those other girls.

.

I am 170cm.

Taller than your average Malaysian girl.

I can't shrink even if my life depends on it.

So accept the fact.

Don't compare myself to those other girls,

Genes are not something I can change,

Just as those other girls who are born smaller, skinnier, more petit.

They will almost ALWAYS be smaller than me.

They will always be shorter,

Their limbs will be smaller and thinner.

Yes, they will ALWAYS look cuter.

I am tall with big arms and thighs, it's something i can't change.

If others cannot bring themselves to accept me, then so be it.

Better stand alone and proud, than to follow a pack and be belittled.

.

You think I don't try to be more girly?

I did. It didn't work.

You think I like being big?

It feels terrible most of the time, like you are some kind of retarded giant living among normal humans.

It sucks being tall, especially as a tall GIRL.

You think I don't like people jumping in to help me out with things?

I do. People just assume I can handle everything by myself.

You think I don't like being coaxed and comforted like how girls are supposed to be coaxed?

I do. People just don't treat me that way.

It sounds silly if I actually ASKED to be treated this way don't you think?

I may not be well-liked, but I still have my pride.

I treat people the way they treated me.

You don't like me, then very well, I don't like you either.

Tolerate others if I must, but at the end of the day, 

MAKE SURE I am being well taken of first.

To hell with those others.

.

I have wasted too much time waiting for that message that will never come.

So I'll stop waiting.

If I mattered, the message should come without needing me to wait and hope and wish for it.

I have fretted too much on something that will never change.

So I won't fret about it anymore.

If I mattered, it will change even without me crying over it.

I have invested too much of my energy into waiting for that special moment,

One special random occasion that makes me feel special.

So i won't waste anymore energy.

If I mattered, I should feel special anytime, anywhere, without needing me to mention about my needs.

.

Every hope invested is a disappointment in the making.

I should stop hoping.

And start living my life as I would like it to be.