as real as it gets

if you're in need of advice,
a different point of view,
someone to comfort you.
here's the best advice i can give you.
'don't come to me for it.'
.
i am not the most suitable counsellor for anyone.
you don't see me taking on psychology or any humanities courses.
honestly, the way i see it,
if you manage to get yourself into that pickle,
you should be wise enough to get yourself out of it.
.
realistic and sometimes a bit too inhumane.
but that's how i am,
that's how the world is.
we only have 70+ years to live.
70 years to have the ability to do things ourselves.
and not rely on others.
.
seriously,you can never expect me to support whatever decisions that you've secretly made
if you still request for my choice,
'if i were in your shoes,what would i do'
.
superficial, i dare admit about myself.
why do you do something that does not benefit yourself,in the long run.
why do you spend so much time, picking the best items, spend so much, on something that will definitely go out of style/date in a short period of time?
why do you spend so much money on something that does not show it's overpriced value whenever you use it?
why do you start something,and not fully commit to it?
why do you do the things that you know you will regret?
why do you trust a stranger,knowing very well that you will be betrayed?
.
i know i'm not subtle in lending a helping hand,
'cause i don't even go easy on myself when i'm in the position to make decisions for myself.
why.
how.
what's in it for me.
what impact does it have on others.
when.
is it worth it.
locked doors after locked doors i have to face.
find the key.
make the ultimatum,
before i can let myself pass to the next level in decision making.
.
regret.
one,small,six-lettered word that i despise.
it's a useless yet hurtful word.
when you regret,
can you turn back time and undo the wrongs, make it right?
when you regret,
does apology mend the broken heart,
heal sickness,
help a bankrupt businessman,
stop world wars?
.
damned word,
as simple as it is to pronounce,
has the power to make you feel like dying while at the same time, fix NOTHING.
cars still crashes into one another,
earthquakes still destroy our homes,
the stock market still ruin our lives,
friends still get into arguments,
old souls still die and leave their families,those who loves them so dearly.
.
i hate to regret.
i hate that each of us have the tendency to fall into its wretched traps over,and over again.
we all know how it feels.
you want to throw things,
hit stuff,
scream,
cry.
.
so really,
do you still want others to fluff things up,
covering away the cold hard fact that you may be facing,
and tell you,
'it's alright,just do what you think you want to do,we got your back'.
honestly,
ask yourself,
who feels the pain you're feeling when you're actually feeling it.
your friends?
your families?
your better halves?
no.
YOU.
.
i am harsh.
that's how i am.
.
merry christmas.